Liza on LGBT YA lit and romantic tragicomedies.

Dear(est) Diary,

Today, in between various standardized tests, I started The Miseducation of Cameron Post, by Emily M. Danforth.  It's beautifully written--sort of Big Girl Small (Rachel DeWoskin)'s Judy Lohden  infused with a little of how John Green portrays teenagedom and some of Prep (Curtis Sittenfeld)'s Lee Fiora.  The fantastic fearlessness of Liza and Annie, from Annie On My Mind (Nancy Garden), is definitely there too, only the stakes are different-- Miseducation is Miles City, Montana, and Annie On My Mind is New York, New York.  I loved these perfectly thought out vibes Ms. Danforth managed to shape--best friends running around a small town, playing extended games of dare, yielding only for popsicles or swimming or cream pie.  Over the years of junior high and early high school, shit becomes more complicated--quietly dealing with her parents sudden deaths, getting involved with a girl from Seattle one summer and starting to come to terms with herself (in a way that's different from the comin' to terms movie montages set to a Blondie song, more real) and joining the youth group at the local Evangelical church.  I was slightly demoralized when, after establishing a relationship with a new student, a beautiful, effortless homecoming-queen-esque cowgirl, Coley Taylor, everything goes downhill.  It's not a dangerous, beautiful, and infinite American YA romance, not one that makes you (me) feel warm and bubbly and inspired when I read it in the car waiting for my brother to be done with soccer practice.  I want to fall in love on the Staten Island Ferry in New York City like Liza and Annie, going back and forth and back and forth, watching the night fall and the city lights come up.  I want to go out for dimly lit Italian meals and come home later than I was supposed to, because that's what YOUTH IS ABOUT, right?  The love that's not cliche enough to be the cheerleader and the head quarterback, not sad enough to be the two outcasts who band together like they do in movies?  It's by no means EASY for Annie and Liza as young, closeted lesbians in the 80s surrounded by disapproval coming from those closest to them--there's a point there where you think they might not get back together, that in the end it was all too much.  But you don't really think that--you know that in the end Liza and Annie will meet up again in New York over winter break, come out or do whatever they feel they have to do.
In The Miseducation of Cameron Post, though, I as an American born n' bred teenager with a secret affinity for all these romantic tragicomedies where you know they'll get back together but WHAT IF THEY DON'T, I felt almost betrayed as Coley denounced Cam and her sexuality, tells their preacher and Cam's aunt, gets Cam sent off to God's Promise, a "facility" for kids who have experienced "unholy desires".  It sounds melodramatic and YA fictiony and like something that has no meaning, something that would never play out in REAL LIFE, but it still fills me with a rush of doom to hear this inspiring, fantastic hero be trapped in this awful damned-if-you-do-damned-if-you-don't kind of situation, one that makes me feel trapped even though I live in a big city, have a club called Spectrum at my school, parents who I know will support me and love me throughout the choices I make.  I don't know how to conclude this, really, because I don't know whether I have a conclusion.  This book is important.  It sheds light upon so many issues that are still very much present in our society today--no doubt.  But we need Annies and Lizas, too, and we have to hope that there are more and more opportunities for kids to feel as exhuberant as Annie and Liza do that day when they go back and forth on the Staten Island Ferry.  You know?
I was gonna talk about how watching 30 Rock made me feel really empowered, better about m'self, but it's pretty late, I need a warm beverage before I go to sleep, and writing this has strangely helped me feel a lot better.  Hooray for the internet?
Love,
Liza

Cozy At Home Time

Dear Diary,
Having had dinner, done my homework, and settled in for another average night alone in my room, I was faced with a conundrum. I had my pjs on and was already lying down, but I reallyyyy wanted hot chocolate. If you're as lazy as me, this is an utter travesty! I couldn't BELIEVE I've done this to myself. It was a definite face-palm worthy moment, but I PERSEVERED. Once I got my flower covered red and blue hot cocoa mug and added the milk, I decided to find my favorite book to go with it. I'm not one to discriminate against any sort of book, but today I wanted a Special one. So, after a long thought process, (the amount of time it takes milk to boil) I decided on the Outsiders. Don't worry dear reader, I've not strung you out this far just to say, "And then I went back and fell asleep. The end" I think that the outsiders is an Amazing Book because the narrator Ponyboy is just Perfect. He embodies who I wish I was in a lot of ways. He's Part of Something as it were. It never fails to make me cry and I think it fits what I want my entries in this blog journal to BE. It's one of those lovely coming of age, finding your place novels done perfectly. It's not (very) melodramatic either. I think in the scheme of things, I'd end up being a sort of Cherry not a Ponyboy; Just a girl, whining about her comfortable, middle-class life. I've certainly got friends that qualify as Sodapops or Dallys, so there's still hope! and now, I'm off to have a long chat with a good friend.
Lots of Love,
Paytoni

the odd introduction

Dear diary,
 Here's me in a nutshell: You can call me Paytoni, I'm 14 going on 15. I listen to music, keep my grades up, read books, and try desperately to be someone worth talking to. My hair's too big and I'm not pretty enough, but that's just how it works. I have a grand total of 5 moves under my (large) belt and my mom thinks I'm depressed. That may be true, but in the words of the Beatles, "I get by with a little help from my friends!" I have a particular weakness for milkshakes, and a talent for nonsequiter. My room's clean and my mouth is less so. In the scheme of things, I'm really not much. I don't even count as much of a teen yet-14 is pretty much synonymous with "almost 15" but I try my hardest to make an impact. Last year I felt a little more vibrant than this year. I could walk wherever, I could do whatever, and now I'm stuck in a HELLHOLE (not gonna say where) in which I'm constrained once more. Hopefully the location won't make me boring, but that is definitely a possibility that scares me as I have some pretty stiff competition in the "interesting"department.
Valentine's Day has always scared the hell out of me. ALWAYS. It is the truest form of evil teenage spite wrapped up in frilly paper hearts that I've yet to EVER receive. This is including 3rd grade when giving them out to everyone was mandatory. That'll probably be the subject of one of my next few posts, but for now, that's all folks! A little peek inside my head.
Lots of love,
Paytoni