Episode VI; Return of the Blogger

Hey guys, Paytoni here!
I decided to lessen the burden on poor Simone by adding my two-cents to this little blog.
I'm not in the same spot as the rest of the writers, which means I don't get a lot of insight into their goings-on... but i've had a lot of my own as well. High school is huge and looming and yes, homework folks. My school doesn't swamp us though, they expect us to know what we have to on our own terms which gives me more time for the social aspect of our lovely learning institution. Free periods are a HUGE change from middle school, they give me time to hang with my friends in our school's coffee shop the Fox Den. I went to a school dance last weekend, which wasn't as utterly horrendous as I thought it would be... Overall, a pretty big success this year (at least in starting off without failing outright haha)
Just putting a little post out there to let you all know i'm back:)
Cheers

Technical Things And The Beginning of High School

Hey guys, it's Simone (like usual). I just figured out how to add my normal email onto the writers list so I don't have to log in and out of the admin email account every time I want to write something here. Maybe that will push me to write more? It's a chilly Monday night in September here in Chicago and I have oodles and poodles of homework to do. Like actually it's absurd how much homework we have. I can't even deal with this. I don't know what it is but I've been thinking recently how messed up our education system is. Like we're at school all day working and then we come home and have to do hours and hours more of work. I just don't think it's right and it just overwhelms me and makes me want to cry. I'm certainly not learning much this way. Already I have late assignments and stuff I've forgotten to turn in and it's just crazy. After working all day I can't focus when I get home and end up on the internet. Like tonight I've literally answered two questions out of the seventeen we have for Early World History and nothing else. I haven't done any other homework yet. It's just ridiculous. Even on the weekends. I missed going out to dinner with my grandma on Sunday because I still had loads of homework to do. I just think that it's wrong to give kids this much homework and stress on the freaking third week of school. Learning shouldn't be something that people dread and get so freaked out about so I don't understand why teachers make it that way. This Tumblr post explained a few aspects about how I'm feeling a bit more eloquently:
I don’t want to learn in a classroom anymore. I want to travel and talk to people and learn that way. I want to learn as I go, gathering knowledge and not being rigorously tested on it. I don’t want to lose passion in the things I like because of the worry of exams. I want to fuelled by snippets of knowledge I gain from people and be inquisitive. School has stolen my passion for the things I’m interested in and I hate it for that.
I just want to add onto it that school shouldn't cause so much stress but the way the education system is set up (at least at Lab) it causes enormous stress for me.
I know I'm sort of rambling on here about my ~f e e l i n g s~  but no one really reads this blog (or writes on it for that matter!). I dunno, school just has me feeling really overwhelmed and sad for no particular reason. I just can't muster up the motivation to want to do well since I feel like it doesn't mean anything if that makes any sense?
Idk, I'll probably get over this back-to-school lack of motivation and whatnot soon I hope. I have to go film a Youtube video now for the channel my friends from camp and I started (http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJaGlVJn14b0gYM9ZSuK0Kg?feature=g-subs-u). this week's theme is fandom and I'm struggling to think of something good to film about. I just feel sort of horrible and un-creative and I don't want to do anything. It's a great tone to start the year off with. Welcome to high school (Night Vale).
-
Monday, September 23rd
7:48

I Should Be Doing Something Else Right Now

Hey you guys, it's Simone again, still writing away at this little blog hoping that one day one of the other writers will come back. It's only like three more weeks until school starts and I am gradually getting more nervous about it but I also feel sort of numb. It's weird. I'm supposed to be writing Kaede a letter right now and I really want to and I want to tell her all about the Rookie summer's end hullabaloo in the park this weekend and everything that has happened this summer and ask her about her summer and if she likes Texas so far and if she's made any friends and how her sister is doing but I just haven't done it yet and I feel awful that I've been putting it off. A lot of my friends are moving/have moved this summer. Kaede, Anna Lucia, and now Alice (not the writer here but Alice from the Rookie meetup group) and Celia. I met a new girl in the meetup group at the hullabaloo picnic on Saturday. Her name is Colette and she was sort of shy but I'd like to get to know her more. She had an adorable pixie haircut and made these cute little cupcakes. I think I was sort of irritable towards her and I'm not sure why. I just didn't feel like trying to make friends on Saturday I guess. Like I wasn't in a bad mood or anything but I just didn't feel like it. That sounds so stupid and lazy and I don't even have an excuse for not being as friendly as I could have been. At the next meetup I'll try harder. I just feel sort of overwhelmed sometimes (lately especially) by life and its pointlessness, idk. I've been looking at other high schools because I'm almost positive that Lab is going to be too hard (I also don't really agree with the whole education system there of tons of work and pressure and whatnot). I don't think this year is going to be a good one but I'm trying to keep myself optimistic. Maybe Spectrum will be really fun. Maybe my teachers will be amazing and I'll manage to get out of gym every morning. I dunno. Maybe this year will be awesome. I also wanted to write a little about the songs that people say describe me. In sixth grade Milon Trilling told me that the song Cornflake Girl by Tori Amos was my theme song. I think this was just because I posted something about cornflakes on Facebook as my status. I'm still trying to figure out what the song actually means. Earlier tonight, Anna Lucia told me that The Winner Is by Mychael Danna is a song that describes me. That song doesn't have lyrics for me to worry about figuring out so that's nice and I truly think I might like it more than Cornflake Girl (although my music tastes have undoubtedly changed since the sixth grade). I dunno, I feel like I had more to write here but I'm still feeling sort of subdued and numb. It's a weird feeling to have.
Until next time,
Simone
8/19/13
11:10pm

Last Week

Hey guys! I meant to do a post last week since I had a spectacular week last week. It just slipped my mind and I'm only getting around to it now. Today has been alright, I went to visit my grandma at the new place where she moved and it's adjacent to a sort of eery older building and there's a really pretty rock place (they call it a grotto) that I'd love to take pictures in. We all got Dairy Queen and mine had a hair in it which sort of ruined my day. But moving on, last week was so much fun. I hung out with Alice and we went to this park by her house which was really pretty.

After that we went back to her house and we made chocolate milkshakes and I made tiny cakes and a pie out of clay and she made a tiny person. My mom had to pick me up way too soon sadly :( Last week I also made a really good tuna melt.
 
Idk, I feel like this post isn't really going anywhere so here's the third and final fun thing of last week. I got together with Rookie Meetup Group member Isabella! We had a smashing time at Water Tower Place ^_^
It's just so much fun when you meet up with someone for the first real time (we also met at Chicago Zine Fest but only briefly) and just click. I just love when that happens. I feel like she would have gotten along really well with Kaede which makes me really sad not only that Kaede had to move but that we didn't hang out more before she left. It was like the same sort of friendship dynamic with Kaede, like we only really hung out 2-3 times but we just sort of clicked. Since I'm on a picture kick right now, here are some pictures from The American Girl Place at Water Tower and the Topshop dressing rooms where we tried on these supremely fancy dresses.

 I'm not really sure what else to write here now that I've described the past week. Since then I've just sort of sat around inside. I've gotten really into these two animes, Attack on Titan, and Free! Iwatobi Swim Club which are both awesome in their own way. Attack on Titan is much more serious but can sometimes make you laugh because it tries so hard to be serious and for the most part succeeds but sometimes it's a little ridiculous. Free! Iwatobi Swim Club is a lot more humorous and silly, and probably the most unintentionally (or maybe it is intentional and they're leading up to that) gay thing I've watched ever. So much subtext lol! I highly encourage all of y'all to watch it. The formatting on this post is going all weird from the pictures. I dunno, I'd like to start using pictures more since I know I really enjoy it when blogs I follow post pictures. It sort of disrupts the way I like to describe things though, so idk if I'll keep doing pictures. Later this week there is a Rookie Meetup Group picnic so I'll try to blog some about that afterwards ^_^Toodles!Simone8/13/139:53pm 

August

Gosh, it feels like the summer has flown by! It's already August and I'm working on a Freshman playlist for school and trying to figure out whose classes that I'm in. I'm sort of disappointed in my schedule thus far. I don't know who is in all of my classes yet but I have gym first period. Ugh. I have advisory though with two of my really good friends, if only all of my friends could be in my classes. I know everyone always says this but summer really did fly by. I got back from camp on July 20th and camp was so amazing. I can't even begin to start describing it. I feel like it's all I talk about (I apologize because I know it's annoying sometimes when all someone talks about is summer camp) but I genuinely loved it so much. All my other summer camp experiences pale in comparison and I realize how unhappy I was at those camps. Like I just want to be at this camp all year and I just love all of the friends I made so much and I wish I had gotten to know them better and they were all so sweet and amazing. One of our other writers Payton went to the same camp with me and I hope that she had as good of a time. It's just hard to transition back to home life after two weeks of independence and being able to just be yourself all the time for two weeks. Not that I'm not myself at home but I feel like I censor my opinions more and don't express myself as strongly and just am more passive and whatnot since I'm around my parents more often than not. At camp you're just always with this group of amazing girls who you become friends with so quickly and have a million inside jokes but can also talk about more serious stuff I guess. I had an amazing conversation with this one girl, Helen, about people using mental illness as adjectives and it was really nice to be able to have conversations like that I guess with someone. I'm rambling on now, sorry. I just really want to try and describe it. Anywho, I took two classes, DIY fashion, and creative writing. In DIY fashion I made a dress which was sort of fun-ish but then we had to all walk in a fashion show on talent show night which made me really uncomfortable (Payton can vouch for my discomfort, she was there). In creative writing we each wrote a piece and put it all into an anthology, I edited and added bits to a thing I did for school. I started adding on more from a different character's perspective but I think it sounds really stupid so I haven't added any since I've gotten home. There were so many amazing writers there so it was sort of hard to view my work as very good compared to theirs. Like one girl, Calla, her stuff sounded like it could be a book, a really good YA book, she and these two other girls (Nora and Helen) did poetry on open mic night and it was really good. Going home was so sad. I miss everyone so much and it makes me really sad to think about how it will be an entire year before we see each other again. One girl Rachel said we should all get together over a break in school but all of our breaks are so different and it's crazy expensive to travel and as much as I hate to say it I don't think it's going to happen. I finished my piece about the sleepover with Anna at camp.
We weren’t let into the movie since we were too young. It didn’t seem to matter though, the wind blew through our hair and the windows were all rolled down. Dusk slowly settling through the sky, making itself comfortable. We picked up her brother at the train station as Mackelmore resonated through the speakers and into the still darkening sky. We stopped at the 7-Eleven on the way home before watching movies. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Valerie and Her Week of Wonders. We talk and are interrupted by memories, thoughts, and ourselves. I tell her about another sleepover where I had stuck my head out the window in the rain at 3 am and watched my friends make sundaes in their mouths. She cuts me off, asking if I want to go outside. Before I can think I’m saying yes and she’s unlocking the sliding door in the kitchen. It’s midnight and I’m on her porch holding her camera as she grabs her skateboard from the garage. She says the neighborhood is safe. Soon I’m running alongside her skateboard and as she coasts along she tells me about her neighbors. The street lights that dot the street shine down on her as she glides in and out of their luminescence. I take the camera from her. Click. The flash goes off. Everything is bright for a second before fading back into the early morning darkness. She says we can get them developed in the morning before my mom comes and offers to teach me how to skateboard. I decline and take another picture. We reach a manmade pond where the full moon is reflected and reproduced by the dozen. I apologize for using so much of her film. There are 32 left on the roll. Soon her house comes back into view. She takes a picture of me sitting on her skateboard and we traipse silently up the lawn to the back door. Everything is as we left it. Pop tart wrappers on the couch, and Baby (her grandma’s dog) at the door, still silent.We slide the door open and I feel a sort of freedom. But all too soon I’m in my mom’s car, pictures undeveloped, as the city skyline looms back into view. I wish we could have hung out more before she left. Maybe she’ll come back to Palatine before leaving for college. My eyelids are heavy as the highway flies by. Maybe we shouldn’t have stayed up until four am.
With that piece of semi-okay writing, I ought to end this post. It's almost 3 am and I'm totally screwing with my sleep cycle by staying up this late.
Toodles!
Simone
8/6/13
2:40 am

Post Graduation Summer(y)

I did a sort of play on words in the title, I was going to do something like Post Graduation/Summery Stuff but then I realized I could do a play on Post Graduation Summary so, yeah. I feel like I should be writing some epic conclusionary post to our middle school experiences but this blog really has only chronicled (can I say that it really even chronicled due to our sporadic postings?) the later half of our eighth grade year. So I guess all I can really say is that I'm glad it's over but at the same time I wish I could live in a perpetual 7th grade. Everyone's experiences are different so I won't speak for the other writers here at The Crew but at least that's how I feel.
Now that it's summer (it's been summer since June 11th or something but whatevs), I haven't really done much. Had three amazing sleepovers with Nikki, Liza, and my friend Anna who I met through Rookie, Payton and I start camp next week, and Alice and I are having our second date in three days (Wednesday). All in all it's starting off to be a great summer. For camp you're supposed to write a little piece of non fiction to bring in to the creative writing class. I'm still working on mine but here it is so far.
I tell her about another sleepover where I had stuck my head out the window in the rain at 3 am and watched my friends make sundaes in their mouths. She cuts me off, asking if I want to go outside now. Before I can think I’m saying yes and she’s unlocking the sliding door in the kitchen and telling me to wait on the porch. She goes to find her skateboard in the garage.
I follow the sound of her voice and use my cell phone as a flashlight. She says I won’t need it since the streetlights are so bright. She says the neighborhood is safe. Soon I’m running alongside her skateboard as she tells me about all of her neighbors. The street lights illuminate her as she skates ahead of me. I take the camera from her. Click. The flash goes off. Everything is bright for a second before fading back into the early morning darkness.
So far it is sort of shitty. It's about the sleepover I had with Anna. We snuck out of her house at midnight and took photos and she skateboarded around and it was a really sort of cinematic moment. I'm trying to capture that visual in my writing but I hardly ever write outside of school since I always feel stupid doing it. This summer I really hope to improve my writing and also my drawing since I found a ton of really nice markers in our pantry a few days ago. Every summer I also make a 50 things to do list which I'm working on completing fully this year (I never have before). Not sure if I should also put that here since it's super long and boring but if you don't care then just don't read it I guess.
1,) Write (and send) at least 50 letters
2,) Send 5 packages
3,) Make a zine
4,) Go on a date
5,) Follow camp route
6,) Go to camp with Payton
7,) Watch all the movies on my movie list
8,) Read all the books on my reading list
9,) Make/fly a kite
10,) Go to a carnival/fair/board walk
11,) Eat soft serve ice cream in a park
12,) Get film developed
13,) Go to the Renegade Craft Fair
14,) Watch the sun rise on Nikki’s roof
15,) Send a message in a bottle
16,) Spend the afternoon hanging out by the pond at the Peggy Notebaert Nature Museum
17,) Win at the Game of Life
18,) Make a pom pom crown
19,) Reach 200 followers on Tumblr
20,) Make a milkshake that brings all the boys to the yard
21,) Go to Build-A-Bear workshop and build a bear.
22,) Stay up all night
23,) Make homemade ice cream from scratch
24,) Bake a funfetti cake
25,) Set a balloon free
26,) Learn how to make paper boats
27,) Camp out in a living room fort/tent
28,) Press some flowers
29,) Have an anti-social party with party hats and unsalted tears
30,) Make a root beer float
31,) Organize everything in my room by color
32,) Become pen pals with someone (Kaede, Ming, Liza, ect.)
33,) Have a piece published in Rookie
34,) Start keeping a daily calendar
35,) Learn how to paint with water colors
36,) Consistently update the blog
37,) Go to CAKE and have a slumber partay with Kat
38,) Throw a surprise party
39,) Bake lemon squares
40,) Have a garden party
41,) Paint over a photo
42,) Visit the main library
43,) Make collages with Liza
44,) Have a Veggie Tales/Sharpay’s Fabulous Adventure/Pocahontas marathon with Nikki
45,) Learn how to embroider
46,) Read at least 25 books
47,) Watch all of Numb3rs
48,) Watch all of Torchwood
49,) Have a picnic
50,) Play with an Ouija board

So far I've gotten four things done. The Ouija board thing has been on my list for as long as I've been making one (three years about?) so I'd really like to get it done. I just don't have a Ouija board or know anyone who has one.

I should probably go to bed since it's midnight and I have to go get my glasses fixed tomorrow and then also get some camp stuff and clean my room and all that fun stuff.

Toodles!

Simone

7/1/13

12:23am

Activity Period

Hi y'all,
I'm writing this post from the last activity period The Crew (I feel sort of silly referring to us like that) will ever experience. Next week we have an assembly, and the week after that we'll have graduated the 8th grade. Wow. It is so weird being an ~almost highschooler~. Activity period is sort of like recess at Lab. We get it once a week for one class period and you can sign up for fun activities like outdoor play or short films or something. Liza's and my French teacher was going to do an impressionist picnic activity period where we all would go and make impressionist foods and she would have 'absinthe' for us to drink (aka green soda). No one really signed up though so we're in iPod socializing. I'm just sort of listening to my iPod, not really socializing. I really wanted this to be some really super fun activity period but I'm blogging and Saskia, Alice, and Liza are looking at Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Bieber. I should just stop moping around and blogging and either finish reading Paper Towns (it's due back at the school library by the end of today!) or join them on the other end of the table. Idk. Whenever I get my hopes up that something will be super fun I feel like it just is super awkward. I'll look back on today and probably remember it as fun and much better as a memory than it actually was in the moment. I'm working on getting everyone to start updating this blog more since it's been inactive for a while. I'm still not really sure if I should elaborate on who exactly I am, instead of sort of barging into this whole blog and whatnot. Um, so I'm Simone. I'm fourteen. I go to school with Liza, Alice, and Saskia at the school that Payton used to go to before she moved. I like reading, photography, Tumblr-ing, watching Doctor Who and Sherlock, cats, glitter, zines, and talking to myself on the internet (blogging). There are only 5 more academic days of school left, 1 test, 2 projects, and I still need to find shoes to go with my graduation dress. I'm sure that there is a better way to end this but jumping from topic to topic just suits my mood right now.
Toodles!
Simone

Changing Up the Layout

Greetings comrades,
I'm Simone. I've never posted here before but I was the one who set up the original layout of the blog and who just changed it again a few minutes ago. I used to have a blog two years ago but Google shut it down when they realized I was 12 and not 13. Please forgive me if this post is super awkward, blogging is sort of weird if you don't do it for a while. I mean, wow, what do I even say? I went to the doctor's office today (physical doctor not therapist/psychiatrist doctor) and I had to get two shots which were like the worst things ever. My arm is still sore from one of them. I really didn't want to cry, especially since beforehand my mom said that my sister hadn't cried a few weeks ago when she had her shots but I cried (only after the nurse left the room). I think my crying made my mom feel guilty about it so she offered to get me a milkshake or something which made me feel even worse that she was offering out of guilt (I declined). We had what I wanted for dinner but it just didn't seem really appetizing. Idk. I have a wee stomach ache now. Today has just been sort of shitty. When I got back to school I was sort of barely holding it together so when Marie* tried to give me a hug in the hallway I almost started crying and when Jenna* was sort of joking around with me in advisory I came pretty close to crying again (*names have been changed. Do I have to change peoples' names? I feel really stupid calling my friends by other names, whatevs). My arms hurt less now but it just made me sort of moody and depressed today. I dunno. I got to sit out in gym but it wasn't that fun because Thomas* (*again with the fake names) was the only other person sitting out and it was super awkward since he had his laptop so I had noone to talk to and no books or anything to read. So I just sat and spaced out for the entire period (which wasn't as great as it sounds). I feel like there is more I should add to this like a 'Get To Know the Blogger!' sort of thing but is a link to my Tumblr sufficient (rhetorical question)? http://sciophobic-shadow.tumblr.com/ I plan on blogging more but usually when I do that I don't end up blogging more. Are posts allowed to be totally off topic for five seconds because holy shit there was just this huuuuge crack of thunder (bolt and lightning, very very frightening me).

Toodles!
Simone
5/28/13
8:34 pm

Productivity and Revelations of a Sunday morning

Dear diary,
After waking up today and mourning the decline in my fish Piexe's health, I decided three things:
1) I don't care what people think of me.
2) Facebook truly is a waste of time, and
3) I shouldn't have to starve myself to feel pretty.
So, I went downstairs and broke my 27 hour fast by eating two slices of pizza and a banana. I felt extremely motivated, so after this I deleted my facebook. This is a big step for me; I only ever got one because "everyone ese has this incredibly useless social media site!" and in deleting my account I think I'm accepting that I'm not simply one of the masses. I am an (odd and perpetually tired) individual! Yes. This is just me ranting, but I do have school tomorrow and I haven't felt this productive in a while, and since the theme of any entries this week was "beginnings" (happy birthday Liza!!) I felt this was suitable. I also decided that I would fill a jar with the good things that happened this year in order to help my lack of self worth.
Lots of Love,
Paytoni

Known as the grouchy old lady who gives out baked goods

Dear Diary,

Today on my bus ride home I was thinking about what life was going to be like for me when I'm old. I think I started to think about it because I had just seen my babushka (russian for grandma) and decided I don't want to spend my old days sitting at home in a wheelchair slowly losing my memory. In a way I want to have a new begining when I became old, instead of a long sad ending.

When I turn about 60 years old or so I am going to move into a village somewhere where it is always fall, so the leaves will always be pretty. The village will be in the mountains where there are lots of trees, hiking paths and fresh air. There will be plenty of children and families, but not a lot of young single people, therefore not a lot of nightlife. The village will be fairly chill and quite besides the children's laughter and the occasional scream, because a bear got into someones yard.

My house will be small and cozy, with pictures and things of all the places I traveled in my vibrant youth. There will be four rooms a kitchen with a little table in it, a bedroom, a bathroom, with a multitude of amazing soaps, made by yours truly and a small library. The library will have one beaten down brown leather armchair, with a lamp beside it and one hundred books sorted alphabetically. The bedroom will be tidy and small, with a closet, a desk and a full size bed. The kitchen will be bright and have all the kitchen appliances a chef could ever dream of except for big bulky things.

I will be known in town as the grouchy old lady who gives out baked goods, because I will leave a batch of baked goods outside my window every morning for kids to take. I will also be known for the stories I tell about the adventures I had when I was young and the people I met. Every saturday I will take kids in the village hiking through the mountains and show them what poison ivy looks like, and what leaves are good for making tea. I'll spend most of my time hiking, drinking tea, baking, making soap, reading and writing about my adventures from back in the day.

Love,
Nikki

Liza on HAPPINESS.

Dear Diary,
So, I turned fourteen last weekend, and I've been having these rushes of motivation that feel strangely like they're not in my control.  I've been feeling a little forced in terms of all these DIY projects I've been attempting, and in terms of the amount of sitting in front of a screen flashing bright lights I've been doing, but last night, while I climbed onto the roof of my friend's house and sang to the night sky and watched Beyonce do the halftime show and stopped feeling sorry for myself (at least temporarily), I felt fantastic.  I felt like I didn't need to MATTER, or whatever--I felt like I could just do my thing and be surrounded by people I really love and everything would turn out OK, and jeez, that's a fantastic feeling. 
Gotta go do last minute homeworky and pre-valentines day-y shit before bed, and sorry for lack of posting, but yeah.  Illinois is close to legalizing same sex marriage (!!).  There are lots of really great people in the world, and I have the privilege of getting to spend time with some of them.  Even if my happiness is hormonal or whatever, a sudden rush of great vibes only my teen angst and pubertay can control, it still countsforsomething.
Much love,
Liza

Liza on LGBT YA lit and romantic tragicomedies.

Dear(est) Diary,

Today, in between various standardized tests, I started The Miseducation of Cameron Post, by Emily M. Danforth.  It's beautifully written--sort of Big Girl Small (Rachel DeWoskin)'s Judy Lohden  infused with a little of how John Green portrays teenagedom and some of Prep (Curtis Sittenfeld)'s Lee Fiora.  The fantastic fearlessness of Liza and Annie, from Annie On My Mind (Nancy Garden), is definitely there too, only the stakes are different-- Miseducation is Miles City, Montana, and Annie On My Mind is New York, New York.  I loved these perfectly thought out vibes Ms. Danforth managed to shape--best friends running around a small town, playing extended games of dare, yielding only for popsicles or swimming or cream pie.  Over the years of junior high and early high school, shit becomes more complicated--quietly dealing with her parents sudden deaths, getting involved with a girl from Seattle one summer and starting to come to terms with herself (in a way that's different from the comin' to terms movie montages set to a Blondie song, more real) and joining the youth group at the local Evangelical church.  I was slightly demoralized when, after establishing a relationship with a new student, a beautiful, effortless homecoming-queen-esque cowgirl, Coley Taylor, everything goes downhill.  It's not a dangerous, beautiful, and infinite American YA romance, not one that makes you (me) feel warm and bubbly and inspired when I read it in the car waiting for my brother to be done with soccer practice.  I want to fall in love on the Staten Island Ferry in New York City like Liza and Annie, going back and forth and back and forth, watching the night fall and the city lights come up.  I want to go out for dimly lit Italian meals and come home later than I was supposed to, because that's what YOUTH IS ABOUT, right?  The love that's not cliche enough to be the cheerleader and the head quarterback, not sad enough to be the two outcasts who band together like they do in movies?  It's by no means EASY for Annie and Liza as young, closeted lesbians in the 80s surrounded by disapproval coming from those closest to them--there's a point there where you think they might not get back together, that in the end it was all too much.  But you don't really think that--you know that in the end Liza and Annie will meet up again in New York over winter break, come out or do whatever they feel they have to do.
In The Miseducation of Cameron Post, though, I as an American born n' bred teenager with a secret affinity for all these romantic tragicomedies where you know they'll get back together but WHAT IF THEY DON'T, I felt almost betrayed as Coley denounced Cam and her sexuality, tells their preacher and Cam's aunt, gets Cam sent off to God's Promise, a "facility" for kids who have experienced "unholy desires".  It sounds melodramatic and YA fictiony and like something that has no meaning, something that would never play out in REAL LIFE, but it still fills me with a rush of doom to hear this inspiring, fantastic hero be trapped in this awful damned-if-you-do-damned-if-you-don't kind of situation, one that makes me feel trapped even though I live in a big city, have a club called Spectrum at my school, parents who I know will support me and love me throughout the choices I make.  I don't know how to conclude this, really, because I don't know whether I have a conclusion.  This book is important.  It sheds light upon so many issues that are still very much present in our society today--no doubt.  But we need Annies and Lizas, too, and we have to hope that there are more and more opportunities for kids to feel as exhuberant as Annie and Liza do that day when they go back and forth on the Staten Island Ferry.  You know?
I was gonna talk about how watching 30 Rock made me feel really empowered, better about m'self, but it's pretty late, I need a warm beverage before I go to sleep, and writing this has strangely helped me feel a lot better.  Hooray for the internet?
Love,
Liza

Cozy At Home Time

Dear Diary,
Having had dinner, done my homework, and settled in for another average night alone in my room, I was faced with a conundrum. I had my pjs on and was already lying down, but I reallyyyy wanted hot chocolate. If you're as lazy as me, this is an utter travesty! I couldn't BELIEVE I've done this to myself. It was a definite face-palm worthy moment, but I PERSEVERED. Once I got my flower covered red and blue hot cocoa mug and added the milk, I decided to find my favorite book to go with it. I'm not one to discriminate against any sort of book, but today I wanted a Special one. So, after a long thought process, (the amount of time it takes milk to boil) I decided on the Outsiders. Don't worry dear reader, I've not strung you out this far just to say, "And then I went back and fell asleep. The end" I think that the outsiders is an Amazing Book because the narrator Ponyboy is just Perfect. He embodies who I wish I was in a lot of ways. He's Part of Something as it were. It never fails to make me cry and I think it fits what I want my entries in this blog journal to BE. It's one of those lovely coming of age, finding your place novels done perfectly. It's not (very) melodramatic either. I think in the scheme of things, I'd end up being a sort of Cherry not a Ponyboy; Just a girl, whining about her comfortable, middle-class life. I've certainly got friends that qualify as Sodapops or Dallys, so there's still hope! and now, I'm off to have a long chat with a good friend.
Lots of Love,
Paytoni

the odd introduction

Dear diary,
 Here's me in a nutshell: You can call me Paytoni, I'm 14 going on 15. I listen to music, keep my grades up, read books, and try desperately to be someone worth talking to. My hair's too big and I'm not pretty enough, but that's just how it works. I have a grand total of 5 moves under my (large) belt and my mom thinks I'm depressed. That may be true, but in the words of the Beatles, "I get by with a little help from my friends!" I have a particular weakness for milkshakes, and a talent for nonsequiter. My room's clean and my mouth is less so. In the scheme of things, I'm really not much. I don't even count as much of a teen yet-14 is pretty much synonymous with "almost 15" but I try my hardest to make an impact. Last year I felt a little more vibrant than this year. I could walk wherever, I could do whatever, and now I'm stuck in a HELLHOLE (not gonna say where) in which I'm constrained once more. Hopefully the location won't make me boring, but that is definitely a possibility that scares me as I have some pretty stiff competition in the "interesting"department.
Valentine's Day has always scared the hell out of me. ALWAYS. It is the truest form of evil teenage spite wrapped up in frilly paper hearts that I've yet to EVER receive. This is including 3rd grade when giving them out to everyone was mandatory. That'll probably be the subject of one of my next few posts, but for now, that's all folks! A little peek inside my head.
Lots of love,
Paytoni

WHO AM I???? Jean Valjean!!!!

Dear Diary,

You know when the caterpillar in Alice in Wonderland asks Alice who are you? Well I've been thinking about it. It seems like such an easy question when he says it, like the act of answering one name but it is pretty hard to explain. Sometimes I don't even really know, those are usually the times I find myself cheating on a test or not being able to stand up for a friend. Those are the times when I think and say that I am loyal and truthful but then end up lying to someone or telling them a secret. It's also things like never really being able to figure out what to wear in the morning that complicates the question Who am I? 

Then again I think I may be just complicating things Liza said we should write a little bit about ourselves but I'm pretty sure who I am is a part of that. Maybe I'll just tell you things that shape who I am since I obviously am having problems answering the question directly.

My name is Nikki. N-i-k-k-i, not Nicky, Nicki, Nikky or Nicole, and most definitely not Nicole.

I play basketball and just started acting this summer. In my free time I write poetry and stories that never get finished, but mostly poetry. I also read a hell of a lot, you could say it is one of my favorite things not unlike snow flakes on eye lashes. That brings me to the third thing I like which is musicals.

WOW I never thought I would sound more filling out a profile on eharmonyish than this. I know I'm saying my own work sounds like something of eharmony when I'm supposed to be a confident young women but it is just sooo hillarious. Oh! that brings me to another fun fact about me I laugh at myself and random things way to often. For example when Javer died in the movie version of Les Miserables and his back cracks I guffawed. Also, I started laughing randomly in the hallway by myself when I thought I was hearing moaning noises from the boys bathroom.

I guess that kind of shapes up who I am but as my humanities teacher stated that she will learn more about us through the work we accomplish, you diary, will learn more about me through the things that I write.

Love,

Nikki

Saskia

Dear people (I'm sorry, I can't do the whole dear diary thing....),

Hiya! I'm Saskia (SAS-like sassy or sassafras-KEE-like a key you put in a lock-UH-like UH I have so much math homework to do)

Here's a little about me...

I have two little sisters

I love trees

I love stars and skies

I have a dog, Cleo, two cats, and two fish

I am a vegetarian

I love outside

I love drama

I love animals

I love nature

I love swimming, climbing, running, dancing

I love ramen

I love stuffed animals

I love music

I love trumpet

I love rain, in fact, I dance in it


I love life!

Adventure Time!

Dear Diary,

I feel like there are so many times were I feel like sprinting, running, climbing up a tree and overall having an adventure but daily life stops me. Who creates this system of life and why don't people ever seem to doubt it? everyday going to school, freaking out over a test about quadratic functions. Everyday I continued circle over and over, a life of organization, planning and trying to always be on top of things. No one ever has asked me whether I wanted that life.

When I was young I did not care about grades or money or college all I cared about was getting to school in the morning and hanging out with friends. Most days after school I went outside stole fruit from peoples yards, visited the crazy dog lady, ran around the neighborhood or bought candy from CVS. Of course my grades sucked and I got in trouble a little but I felt adventurous, daring and full of life. 

Ever since seventh grade I've been wanting to have an adventure, wanting it to come and sweep me away instead of me finding it so teachers and parents won't call me irresponsible, idiotic or inconsiderate. Yet nothing ever comes besides the things I make up that keep me up all night. Things that make me scream for someone to check under my bed for monsters because I made myself think the footsteps outside the door were those of a mutation.

One day I'm determined to have an adventure in a distant land were I will become a pirate and battle faeries. Die a noble death and have my last words be may adventure find you at every corner, and someone will write it on a great list of quotes under mine name because they were my death words. Even though some poor girl who lived through adventure books and never had any friends but was brilliant will have said it before. Oh goodness gracious now I've gone and ruined the ending. Eh, well when does life ever have a perfect ending.

Now, to prevent myself from going on an angsty rant about how life sucks I'm going to do my math homework and listen to my Les Miserables soundtrack. Oh my goodness I LOVE MARIUS!!!!! goddammit I'm just a rant machine.

Okay now seriously I have to learn about quadratic functions or whatever its called.

Sincerely,
Nikki

Liza on Valentines Day, being in love, and herself.

Dear Diary,

Teenage love feels super present now that all the stores are switching their merchandise from used Santa Claus costumes to Valentines Day shit.  Last Valentines Day, my friend and I wore all-black, expressed our newfound teen angst to all those who were watching.  My crush gave me a card and I was giddy, which sort of killed the deadpan mood I was hoping to spread to the annoyingly awkward middle school couples surrounding me, and I remember skipping to my locker and singing A TEENAGER IN LOVE to a tune that sounded right, creating the soundtrack to an imaginary movie about me having a crush and being the only one to dance at the 7th grade dance and biking around the neighborhood and making hot chocolate.  Everything felt perfect, black lip gloss smeared across my chapped lips and my mom's heavy black skirt swishing against my thighs.  There's something addictive about crushes, like listening to the same playlist over and over knowing that it'll get you through the day until you get sick of it and it's just this constant thrumming in the background when you craft or do homework or whatever, and it's specialness is kind of gone.  Crushes LAST in a different way, though--thinking about experiences and songs and excitement and nervousness and movies that I associate with certain crushes gives me a rush of nostalgia and longing, like there's always a piece of me that longs for not as much that person but the excitement of admitting to the piece of notebook paper I write angsty poetry on, or later, a friend, while we watch Arrested Development on the floor of her basement, that I'm in LOVE.
I'm Liza, by the way, thirteen almost fourteen, eighth grade, stuffy but prestigious private school, cracked (not a brand or a nail sticker, actually cracked, like in the olden days) nail polish adorned nails, unmade bed, red cheeks, unfinished but satisfying when I wrote them to-do lists dotting my desk, spotify playlists playing as I clean up my room.  There's so much that comes to mind when I introduce myself--through writing especially, because with writing you can choose how you want to be seen--but I'm holding off on jucier labels for the time being. 
I have to go work out now, watch 30 Rock, think about roller derby, and then read about soil in my science textbook.
Love,
Liza

the crew.

The Crew came about when a dad asked how the crew was doing.  It’s what we joke about calling ourselves and the table we sit at, our semi-ode to Mean Girls and Heathers and the kind of girl-gang-movie-exclusivity we pride ourselves on not having but secretly sort of desire.  We’ll post in diary entry style, inspired by the Dear Diary aspect of Rookie Magazine, and though we don’t know what this will or won’t turn into, we’re hoping to be able to use this really public forum as a way to embrace the kind of shit that comes up in diaries wrapped in tissue paper underneath an unmade bed—cheesy, awkward, melodramatic, entries that talk to the diary like it’s a living breathing human whose sole job is to take in secrets, experimental swearing, smears of chocolate, unfinished collages and political statements.  Crushes and secrets and rants and anecdotes and LIFE.  We hope that this can become a blog for girls to be inspired by or, almost more importantly, to relate to, to help them (us) feel like there’s a huge clan of confusing, sexy, awkward, gangly, noisy, confident, bitchy, fantastic humans spread out around the world. 

Sincerely,

the crew.